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marinell_bareng in cw10mhy1

The Remnants of a Lost Love

 
As I sat in the big, old rock near the ocean, I reminisced the times when we used to spend time together. It was just like yesterday..when we were still happy instead of months ago. I left the rock and began walking toward the ocean, a faint breeze touching my shoulders. I shivered, wrapping my arms around myself. I took a pink, pale translucent shell out of my pocket and stared at it. A diamond shaped tear escaped my eyes..and it fell into the shell. I closed my eyes, savoring the sweetness of the moment. Memories suddenly flooded my mind. Happy, carefree memories that I wouldn't trade for anything else. I walked back to the big, old rock, still clutching the shell. I remembered the start of our friendship..how we used to be good friends..and how we used to fight over petty things. I remembered the times when I was very mad at you, because you always insulted me. But then..hate became love..and we fell head over heels in love with each other. Waves splashed at my bare toes and I was startled out of my reverie. A bittersweet smile escaped from my lips and I put the shell in my lap. How I wish I could turn back the time and relive the moments together and engrave them in my mind forever. But not all of the memories were sweet. I remembered the time when you threw me out of your house and told me to get out of your life completely. Mixed emotions flooded my insides. Shock, hurt, disappointment, anger and sadness. I couldn't believe you would throw away our relationship that easily. I asked and pleaded for your explanations, yet you shut me out of your life, anyway. What hurts most was that you betrayed me and fooled me. I kept asking myself, looking for answers for your behavior, but I couldn't find any. And when you left me..I felt sad and alone. The message you've been sending was really clear all along - it's over between us. I opened my eyes and stared at the shell. The next thing you did after that was unforgivable. Tears started cascading over my cheeks again and I wiped it angrily. A few weeks later, I found you with another girl, a wide smile playing across your lips. It was the most painful heartache of my life. I turned to my subjects for comfort. My eyes fell on my calculus book. I picked it up hastily and studied hard. I aced all my tests, thanks to you. In those weeks of loneliness, math became my solace, and slowly, as time passed by, I graduated and married another man. But in all those years that passed, I still couldn't forget you..how we used to be friends and how you made my day brighter than usual. But I moved on. Waves splashed again at my feet..and I made an instant decision. This shell was the one you gave me in my birthday. After holding it for a minute, I threw the shell as far as I could..thereby making a loud sound as it finally hit the water. I heaved a sigh. Finally. I was able to let go and bury the memories we shared. That shell was the last remnant of our lost love.

Comments

The first part, up to right before the persona took out the shell was a bit overstated. I liked the metaphor of the pink shell, the very fact that is PINK. It is easy to connote pink with everything sweet and happy, a very happy, up-and-going relationship.

I think the memories—details, I mean—should have been described more. what were the happy memories? And the scene where the guy kicks out the girl, was, being the dramatic scene it was… maybe it could have been described more (if the persona was apathetic, the whole thing could have been said as flatly as this, but since she isn’t, it’s better to get a little more in depth). The development of the relationship could also have been better stated in scenes.. flashbacks or something that says more than the love-hate-relationship-turned-love thing. lastly, I was hoping you weren’t going to reveal what the throwing of the shell into the sea meant. Maybe the reader could have dwelt on it more.

Good luck :)

October 2007

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